Jailed for pedestrian’s death
This is an amazing article, and I say amazing not in awe or with a wow factor, but with a resigned sigh in place.

From the article, a young lady driver noticed an elderly couple waiting to cross the road off Dunman Road, and honked her horn at them to warn them that she was approaching. Perfectly normal and as per what the Basic Theory book taught no? Here’s the kicker – instead of practicing some semblence of defensive driving, our protagonist stepped on the accelerator, thinking that the elderly couple would give way to the vehicle. No surprise there, as her car slammed right into the elderly couple, killing one and injuring the other. The lady driver was subsequently jailed for a month and banned from driving for 5 years.

What on earth’s happening to young drivers nowadays? I’m no old fart myself – 22, to be exact, but I dare say that I don’t do stupid things on the road like accelerate after honking at people on the road. I do speed occasionally on the expressway, but I sure as hell practice some form of defensive driving and I sure as hell do not assume that others will give way to me, or that simply because I have the right of way, I can do as I please.

It definitely comes as no surprise that there’re so many teenagers nowadays dying in road traffic accidents involving powerful sportscars, or motorcycles. In my opinion, that’s just Darwinism at work.

It’s nice and dandy that little rich kids have rich parents who’re willing to buy powerful sports cars for their beloved spawns and offsprings because they “love their satanic spawns” too damned much.

It’s also nice that said parents believe in giving their kids the best that money can buy, and as such, an excessive (read: disgusting) amount of pocket money, paving the way for these kids to zhng, or modify their cars because they are racers or it’s cool to be a racer like Jay Chou in Initial D or that angmoh fucktard in Tokyo Drift.

It’s DEFINITELY wonderful that these kids, with their pseudo-racer mentality, take it that girls get wet at their little secret place when they’re seated in a car going vroom vroom at 160kmph or more, and will probably want to suck their dicks because the modifications to the sports car made the engine vibrate MORE than a typical vibrator.

So vroom vroom goes the car, ugh ugh goes the girl, fap fap thinks the humsup driver, and screech screech boom goes the powerful sports car when it spins out of control and slams into a lamp post, or another vehicle.

Oh and boo-hoo-fucking-hoo for their parents, as their poor talented little offsprings head off to meet Satan in their afterlife, or if they were nice little kids, Jebus in Heaven to get bitch slapped for being such idiots.

We need MORE road traffic accidents involving teenagers, sportscars, and preferably lamp posts. Collateral damage should, and has to be kept to a strict zero, simply because we shouldn’t have to pay for the stupidity of others. Why lamp posts, you may ask.

I draw your attention to “$12m in troubled products, where two town councils have about SGD$12,000,000 in bad investment products, aka Lehman Minibonds and Merrill Lynch Jubilee Series 3. This SGD$12 million, meant for upgrading works to HDB buildings, routine mantainance, and any other long term repair works, has disappeared, and because this was an honest mistake, we as nice little Sillyporeans should move on and not harp on this anymore. Thus, it would be a win-win situation if little rich kids ram their sportscars into lamp posts, as they’ll be required to pay for the damaged lamp post.

Should enough stupid rich kids crash their performance cars into enough lamp posts, the Singapore government might actually be able to cover their SGD$12,000,000 losses! All they have to do is to reduce the number of Traffic Police patrols, police road blocks, as well as the removal of speed cameras on places popular with “racers”.

Perhaps the Government could name Marina Bay’s new landmark bridge Racer’s Bridge, in the hopes that it’ll attract all the racers to congregate and race there. By declaring the bridge a racing zone and removing ALL traffic police/police roadblocks and patrols in the area, and not installing any speed cameras, the Singapore Police Force can effectively cut down on operational costs, and with more lampposts being damaged, earn revenue to cover the SGD$12,000,000 deficit!

On an unrelated note, the Urban Redevelopment Authority (URA) would like members of the public to name the above mentioned bridge. Seeing how Singapore has a trend of naming key landmarks in a rather duh fashion (ie. Budget Terminal, Marina Bay…) I suggest that the URA name the bridge “The Marina Bay Bridge linking the Bayfront area to Marina Center”, or simply “The Long Bridge”. There’s no need for arty farty sciency names like “DNA link” or “Double-helix” because the typical Singaporean will not be able to understand it! By giving it a simplistic name, this will ensure that your typical Singapore will remember the bridge, and actually know what it means when they introduce it to foreigners.

FT (Foreign “talent”): Excuse me, what bridge is that?
SG (Singaporean): Oh that one ah… the long bridge loh.
FT: ??? Yes, it’s long indeed, but what’s the name of the bridge?
SG: Jibai lah you think limpeh bluffing you ijjits? The Long Bridge lah silang angmoh… don’t unnerstand say don’t unnerstand lah. Gong simi lanjiao ang mor… Hor gao kan larh pui.

For the fucking win please.