So I’ve been working at Yamaha for what… close to 2 months? And I can safely say I’ve seen all sorts of people, ranging from the mundane boring kind to the really fucking spastic kind, all the way to all the usual fucking poseurs that treat the Plaza Singapura Yamaha as their personal stage/play ground.
For the convenience of my dear readers, and to piss all the fuckers who’re reading my blog, and fall right into the following category, I’ve categorized them into a few categories, but I’ll only post a bunch to save time.
Type 1 – The Greedy Fuckwits, F.B.I, Gian Peng Pubors
Description: The kind of customers who aren’t satisfied that they’re getting 10% Yamaha Member discount, or 13% Yamaha Student discount, yet still request for freebies, and make noise when informed that we do not have any free gifts for them.
Type 2 – The Naggy Uncle/Aunty, Sibei Kiasi
Description: The kind of customers who come in with their pampered and (obviously) spoilt kids, trying out every single fucking instrument and wasting hours of our time. These customers are the ones who ultimately tell us, “I want to get this particular instrument, but I want a new piece.” And when informed that all our instruments are on display and are in perfect fucking condition, they tell us that “But this instrument has a defect see, here! One scratch.” followed by “I think I’ll buy another brand.”
Aiyah fuck off lah if you’re so fucking rich then don’t bother trying out so many guitars, buy them all lah. If you think I’m lying to you that no other shop stocks this brand, then fucking go and FIND them, then buy them. Fucking useless shits.
Type 3 – The Poseurs/Goth-wannabes/Mats/Ginnapis
Description: Nuff said eh? These are the faggots who come in dressed up in their full poseur attire, complete with chains, eye liner, and ugly accessories who think that just because they can play Metallica or GNR on guitar, they’re Petru-fucking-cci, or if that they can pull off pathetically jerky and off-time rolls, they’re Mike fucking Portnoy.
Fuck off pussies because my single hand roll can own your pathetic double hand rolls any fucking day, and my doubles will put you to shame. My time-keeping and my groove? Well they’ll probably make you cream your fucking tight pants, and all you idiots’ll probably fucking worship me, and I wouldn’t want that, because I wouldn’t want to be associated with morons like you. If you can’t afford it, don’t get it. And if you’re not getting it, don’t try it. Simple as that. If you’re not trying it, then fuck off from the shop assflutes.
Type 4 – The Student/The boyfriend
Description: These are the kind of idiots who come into the shop with their classmates, or with some girl, then proceed to “show off” on the keyboards or the guitars, and occasionally on the drums. Sadly, their riffs fall right smack down and backfire on them because 90% of Yamaha staff are proficient or professional musicians. Play GNR on guitars and the staff’ll smoke you upside down. Play stupid rolls on the drumset and I’ll smoke you by playing rudiments all around the kit. Play stupid gay-assed songs on the keyboard, and Yamaha’s very own Josh Groban’ll throw in some jazz and blues and make you feel like a grade 1 pianist. In short, fuck off kthxdie.
Type 5 – The idiot who didn’t have formal education
Description: Simply put, the kind of customer who thinks that they can fool us by coming back without a receipt, or with an item that they obviously damaged, and try to get a refund or to change for another item. When informed that they need a receipt or that they can’t do an exchange/refund, they proceed to throw a huge-assed tantrum and claim that the cashiers did not issue a receipt to them.
Well too fucking bad losers, because all cashiers are taught from day 1 to give BOTH nets/mastercard slip along with the shop receipt to the customer. So hey hey, no refund, no exchange for you fools. Suck it up assfucks.
Oh if by any chance, the two fucking kids who bought that MXR pedal are reading my blog now, fuck you two assflutes too. If you’re so gian about a $5 difference in price, then don’t buy a fucking MXR pedal, go get yourself some bicycle pedals or something because you’re obviously too gian to spend money on your fucking instrument. Fucking kids.