I swear, Starhub Maxonline’s 6500 plan feels just slightly faster than Singtel dialup 56.6k. The only plus point is the fact that its unlimited and constantly online, or until they decide to disconnect you for no fucking reason.

Starhub seriously should get its act together because they are possibly losing all their customers to other more competitive providers who actually do provide quality service and technical support, as compared to starhub and their fucking under-qualified technical support staff who tried to smoke me into believing him that my connection was slow because:

1. I was behind a router – until I told him that I connected the modem directly to my laptop
2. I was using a Mac – until I pointed out to him that it isn’t OS-based, and that MOL was Mac compliant
3. I was using Winxp SP2 on my desktop, which has a lot of “bugs” – until I told him that my brother was using SP1 and had the same problem
4. I was using an old modem (SB4100) – until I told him that I had signed up since 1999 and haven’t received a new modem since
5. My modem was faulty – until I told him that it was 5 yrs old

TO WHICH THE FUCKING INDIAN CHEEBYE TECH SUPPORT MOFUGGER TOLD ME THAT I HAD TO REPLACE THE MOFUGGING MODEM AT $99.50 BECAUSE I’M RESPONSIBLE FOR DAMAGING MY MOFUGGING 5 YR OLD MODEM. MOFUGGING TECH SUPPORT CLOWN PROCEEDED TO TELL ME ONE HELLUVA STORY OF HOW I COULD USE STARHUB REWARDS POINTS TO REDEEM A MODEM.

Me: Okay. So how do I use this rewards points shit? (yes I did say shit, along with stuff like don’t fucking smoke me pls and don’t talk cock)

Him: Ah you can use the points to redeem the modem, or do a half redemption, must top up $40 la.

Me: Okay. How many points do I have?

Him: *checks* Sorry sir you only have 2.6k points. You need 3.3k to redeem a modem, and 3k to do a half redemption.

Me: Eh I sign up since 1999, you sure I only got 2.6k points?

Him: Yes sir, the points will expire.

Me: CHEEBYE AND U ALL NEVER TELL ME? DAMN SMART RIGHT. AIYAH FUCK LAR I WANT TO TERMINATE NOW.

Him: Solly sir, you are still under contract.

Chao cheebye puboh turban huan nah pua bye kia speaking to me in that lantiu cheehong silang huan nah accent in this fucking irritating guailan voice that really made me fucking steam and dulan to the extent that I wanted to go fucking find some malay bomoh to cast 1x fucking hohseh black magic (haha punpun) on the mofugger to just give him 1x hohseh pls.

So now, I’m under contract to some shitty provider, with a semi-faulty modem on my fucking hands. No Singtel MIO for me, no 100kbps BT for me, and hooray for 2000ms latencies on fucking WoW.

Fuck you starhub.

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