So I’m sitting in a corner (har har i can predict that mat jokes coming alr -_-) with my powerbook surfing the net on free Starnet wireless at mac donalds, Lot 1, when some mac donald’s staff comes over and tells me in this annoyingly chirpy voice, “Hi sir, there’ll be a PARTY here soon so you can’t sit here anymore! Teehee!”. Thanks to her, I had to carry my laptop and shift to another corner – this time right next to the toilet. (Though I’m not complaining cuz there’s a powerpoint here)

While I’m ranting and angsting and musing, the kids are jumping around to strains of “Happy birthday” and being oh so happy. I’m gazing wistfully at them, and wishing with a passion that they’ll grow up, and enlist into the army soon. Then they’ll realise that there’s nothing fun about birthdays after all.

Now I’m just wondering. Why the hell does mac donalds allow kids to celebrate their birthdays INSIDE the pseudo-restaurant itself? They’ve got a humongous outdoor ‘dining’ area, so why can’t the kids use it? Perhaps I should work my way to becoming the CEO of mac donalds. Or the regional manager of Mac Donalds Singapore. Then I’ll pass the ruling that states:

All pesky kids who wish to celebrate their birthdays at said restaurant shall only be allowed to occupy no more than 3 (THREE) tables, in an outdoor setting only. Kids are not allowed to run about or scream in the restaurant. Failure to comply with the above mentioned law will result in severe disciplinary action being taken. Repeat offenders will be thrown into the vat of oil used to fry french fries. Parents of said offenders shall be liable to the cost incurred for the damaged fries inside the vat of oil. So help you God.

It would be cool! Just imagine a conversation between me and a nasty parent:

Me: Sorry ma’am, your son has repeated breached company laws and shall be pu-nished.
Parent: Huh? How ar.
Me: (picks up little boy screaming and all) I shall now throw him into the vat of oil.
Parent: HUH CANNOT!!! HE IZ MY BABY BOI IF U THROW HIM IN HOW HE DIE HOW??!?!?!?
Me: Well too bad ma’am. I have to set an example for future kids. (Throws kid into vat of boiling oil)
Kid: AHHHHHHH!!!……
Parent: AH BOI AH!!!! AHHHHHH! *goes crazy*
Me: Sorry ma’am, you’ve been caught screaming twice in mac donalds. According to company law, I have to throw you into the vat of oil as well. But before I do so, could you please sign this form. It states that you’ll pay us SGD$10,000 for damages to unsold fries and unused oil. (Picks woman up)
Parent: -faints-
Me: Bye fools. (Throws)

Endth.

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