Due to popular (maybe not so…) demand from Charlotte, here’s the long overdue post regarding a certain prostituted drummer I saw in orchard road on… saturday.
Ok I’ll bet most of my blog readers’ll be intimately familiar with this little boy behind a drumset, banging away and performing his own rendition of a “drum solo” in the middle (right fucking-smack) of orchard road. Personally, I’ve never seen that (supposed) drum virtuoso in action before, so I used to view him as some kind of a prodigy – until I saw the pseudo-prodigy in “action” last Saturday.
Visualise a little scrawny boy, complete with a “Dreamy, I’m-so-fucking-blur-I-don’t-know-what-to-do-because-I’m-just-a-bloody-kid” look on his little kiddy face, dwarfed by his new shiny Zildjian K custom HYBRID cymbals, allegedly free from Zildjian aka yamaha combo shop. Next, visualise his FATHER standing behind him, adjusting his drumset for him, adjusting the discman for him (?!?!?!) before picking up a mic and announcing proudly to the whole fucking crowd that his spawn-of-satan was about to “perform” the next song for the crowd, so would the crowd please clap a little for the boy to encourage him to play and bang away on his drumset loudly.
Now visualise, or in this case audiolise, strands of Planetshakers blaring out from one of the grossly undersized and underpowered amplifiers behind him, to which the little drummer boy picks his cue from, and starts DRUMMING AWAY OUT OF TIME WITHOUT DYNAMIC CONTROL AND WITH NO FUCKING GROOVE AT ALL.
HOORAY FOR NIGHTMARES AND MUSICAL BLASPHEMY. If God was Stanton Moore or Carter Beauford, He’d have smote (?) that little creep right there on the spot along with his pimpin’ father figure, and sent them straight to Hell for the sacrilegious display of “groove”.
What I was amazed at was the fact that Yamaha chose to ENDORSE him with hybrid cymbals just because he’s “Singapore’s Youngest Drummer”. Just because his father threw him in the middle of Orchard Road behind a drumse and told him to “bang around on the drumset” does not make him a drummer. Hell, I could get my cousin’s young son to sit behind my drumset and bang away and call him a drummer too, couldn’t I?
Next, I was disgusted at the way his “father” pimped him to the crowd, calling them on to clap for him, telling them to stay and listen to him play. When I first heard about the little drummer, I thought maybe he was doing it because he genuinely liked it. But after seeing him in action, I realised that he didn’t really have a choice.
Now all you fuckers who’re about to flame me (as usual), read this. Back when you fuck faces were what? 8 – 10 years old? Have you ever said no to your mom or dad when they said they were about to enrol you in ballad class? No? That’s right, because whatever you dipshits said would have NO impact on the outcome – you’d still go for the bloody ballad class.
Similarly, don’t tell me that the little boy had a choice not to play, because he wouldn’t have had a chance to refuse to play. He’d just have to sit down behind his drumset and bang away to please his parents.
Why destroy the peace in orchard road?
Why prostitute a young boy?
Why force us to listen to a young boy who can’t drum for nuts?
Why the FUCK?