Jason Mraz – Absolutely zero

You. You were a friend. You were a friend of mine I let you spend the night
You see it was my fault. Of course it was mine.
I’m too hard at work. Have you ever heard of anything so absurd ever in your life.
I’m sorry for wasting your time.

See who am I to say this situation isn’t great? When it’s my job to make the most of it
Of course I didn’t know that it would happen to me. Not that easy.

Hey what’s that you say? You’re not blaming me for anything well that’s great
But I don’t break that easy. Does it fade away?
So that’s why I’m, I’m apologizing now for telling you I thought that we could make it
I just don’t get enough to believe that we’ve both changed.

See who am I to say this situation isn’t great? It’s my time to make the most of it
Of course I didn’t know that it would happen to me. Not that easy.
If all along the fault is up for grabs why can’t you have it
If it’s for sale what is your offer, I’ll sell it for no less than what I bought it for
Pay no more than absolutely zero.

Well neither one of us deserves the blame because opportunities moved us away
And it’s not an easy thing to learn to play a game that’s made for two that’s you and me
The rules remain a mystery. See it can be easy.

See who am I to say this situation isn’t great? It’s our time to make the most of it
How could we ever know that this would happen to me, not that easy, no
When all along the fault is up for grabs and there you have it
If it’s for sale what is your offer, I’ll sell it for no less than what I bought it for
Pay no more than absolutely zero.

Reflections and regrets

It’s really when you’re alone and when your mind’s clear that you start thinking and reflecting on the past. Regretting at times, cherishing memories when they come, and most importantly of all, knowing that you’re still sane and you’ve got a long way to go in life.

My maternal grandfather passed away when I was in Primary 4. I received the news after I got my report book, I topped my class and was so excited about it, until my dad told me in the car that Ah Gong passed away. Strangely enough, I don’t recall feeling extremely sad by it, probably because I didn’t have a strong bond with my Ah Gong. I can remember comforting my cousin during the funeral, and how everybody was crying during the cremation itself, but that’s about it. I’ve not had a single dream with him in it, and I can’t recall the last time I visited his niche, or for that matter, where it is at now.

My paternal grandfather passed away before I enlisted into Army, while I was at work. I remember visiting him before I headed to work, seeing him in the ICU with tubes all over, bloated due to water retention, and in a coma. I remember trying to talk to him a few times, but being unable to talk much because he couldn’t reply me (obviously), and I didn’t know what to say. Fast forward to the day of his death. I remember not sleeping for 2 days, staying with his coffin to talk to him, and buying him coffee on the day of his cremation. I remember telling him that I let him down as the eldest grandson because I had never gotten coffee for him before, and the first time I did it was only after his death. I remember being an emo wreck, and my legs giving way during the cremation, and blacking out after that.

My maternal grandmother passed away on the 3rd day of FWOC last year. My parents didn’t really give me details about her condition, though I knew it was serious. I never expected her to pass away so soon. I kinda visited her only twice during the entire FWOC period with Fabian, and I remember her struggling to sit up to see us when we arrived. I remember waking up at 8am, receiving an SMS from my dad that simply said, “Ah Ma passed away this morning peacefully.”, and I remember thinking in my heart, “How the fuck can anybody pass away peacefully?” I remember sitting in my room, chain smoking until I was composed enough to shower, change up and cab down straight away. The next couple of days flew by quickly, and I had to rush to and fro from Tampines to Kent Ridge Hall to do my biddings, attend various matriculation fairs etc etc. I remember my cousin calling me after I left the wake, and asking me to “slow down”, because he was going at 120kmph and he couldn’t keep up with me. I delivered the eulogy in both English and Chinese prior to her cremation at Mandai Crematorium, and I remember choking over words and struggling to find my compusure as I spoke. I remember heading back to hall right after that, sleeping and refusing to wake up for at least a whole day. Everything else was a blur, as I chain smoked 1-2 packs a day, and binge drinking – the last thing I remembered before waking up in my room with a fucking awesome hangover was downing Chivas from the bottle, along with countless shots of JD and cans of beer.

In a way, I’m glad that I had a chance to experience everything. I’ve lost loved ones, but I’ve gained valuable lessons, and I’ve learnt to cherish what I have around me. My paternal grandmother’s still around, and I’ve made the effort to spare at least one day to visit her, and to have lunch with her. I can tell that she’s happy that I’m visiting her, and though I can’t speak fantastic Cantonese, she’s too happy that I’m visiting to bother that I’m speaking in Chinese/English.

I did lose some, but at the same time, I’ve gained some too.

http://alvyn.blogsome.com til further notice.

Bad mojo

Well I guess someone I talked to on MSN summarized the whole week up in just one simple phrase “A lot of bad things have happened this week.”

Fyi, I don’t know who you are, but I know that you will screw up one day and I will know who you are. So please, be prepared for that day to come because I won’t forget anything.

A little shoutout to Laremy, smile dude, and the world smiles (or in this case, if its me, you should probably rephrase it to, smoke and alvyn’ll smoke) with you.

Shoutout to Ian Troll, who’s flying off to UK Imperial College this Friday (Fysh, Ben.. Friday 1830hrs at Changi Airport to send him off okay?), have fun in UK and meet up again when you’re back in December alright?

Last but not least, a very important shoutout to Mel, for being there for me throughout, having that unwavering trust in me that I really appreciate. Thank you for being the pillar of light that heralded me out of the tunnel. Thank you, and I love you.

Before I sign off for the weekend, lyrics from a song that has been with me for a while.

Just Surrender – Tell me everything

Just one more hour
and I’ll know the truth that separates the right From all the wrong feelings that
You have about me your grace is distracting me

So white out the memories
of each sarcastic shot you took at me
With your hurtful tones and biting melodies

Just one more outburst
and I’m leaving you like you left me one year ago
and I know that this could never be an apology from you

A meaning buried
under shuttered breathing
Its taking too long for me to spit it out

Tell me everything will be alright
Close your eyes and dream of me tonight
Tell me that you won’t just fade away
Cross my heart and hope to die tonight I’ll dream my pain away

I’ll let the lack of words speak for me
the way I am I can’t express or understand
I’ll take the time now to make you see (you see)

Tell me everything will be alright
Close your eyes and dream of me tonight
Tell me that you won’t just fade away
Cross my heart and hope to die tonight I’ll dream my pain away

I see through your lies, they’re bleeding from your eyes.

Tell me everything will be alright
Close your eyes and dream of me tonight
Tell me that you won’t just fade away
Cross my heart and hope to die I’m on my way

Tell me everything will be alright
Close your eyes and dream of me tonight
Tell me that you won’t just fade away
Cross my heart and hope to die tonight I’ll dream my pain away

蔡旻佑-我可以

寄 没有地址得信
这样得情绪 有种距离
你 放著谁的歌曲
是怎样的心情 能不能说给我听
雨 下得好安静
是不是你偷偷在哭泣
幸福 真的不容易
在你得背景 有我爱你~
我可以 陪你去看星星 不用再多说明 我就要和你在一起
我不想 又再ㄧ次和你分离
我多麼想每一次的美丽 是因为你
情 没有地址得信
这样的情绪 有种距离
你 放著谁得歌曲
是怎样的心情 能不能说给我听
雨 下的好安静
是不是你 偷偷在哭泣
幸福 他真的不容易
在你得背景 有我爱你
我可以 陪你去看星星 不用多说明
我就要和你在一起 我不想又在一次和你分离
我多麼想每一次的美丽 是因为你
我可以 陪你去看星星 不用再多说明
我就要和你在一起 我不想 又再ㄧ次和你分离
我多麼想每一次的美丽 是因为你

All the pieces just fall into place sometimes.

Falling headfirst, helplessly, into the deep dark abyss, not knowing what the hell lies ahead of me. Both choices hurt, both choices suck, and both choices seem so wrong.

Falling headfirst, helplessly, off the deep fucking end.

李圣杰-最近

你最近不说话
怎麽了为什麽
是不是有什麽事让你不快乐
听说你最近很孤单
有点乱有点慌
可是我却不能够在你的身旁
你想要的
我却不能够给你我全部
我能给的
却又不是你想要拥有的
我们不适合也不想认输
好几次我们抱着彼此都是想要哭
你常解释这样的一切都只是开始
我觉得是所有的一切早就已结束
不想再约束
不要再痛苦
下一次会有更好的情路

爱我却不能给你我全部
我能给的
却又不是你想要拥有的
我们不适合也不想认输
好几次我们抱着彼此都是想要哭
你常解释这样的一切都只是开始
我觉得是所有的一切早就已结束
不想再约束
不要再痛苦
下一次会有更好的情路
这一次我们都能很幸福

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