alvyn

Archive for the ‘General Bullshit’ Category

From boys to men

In General Bullshit on November 23, 2008 at 10:44 am

For those who’re consistently whining and bitching about how tough their life is/was during their days in National Service, here’s something to ponder on.

A little gist of what the above embedded video’s about…

The Satere-Mawe tribe in Brazil have a ritual, in which boys stick their hands into a woven glove filled with Paraponera clavata, or bullet ants, for 10 minutes. This ritual marks the transition from boy to man, and proves to the tribe that said boy is worthy of accepting adult roles, and proves to the tribe that he is worthy to be a warrior of the tribe. The sting from the ant holds the “honour” of being the most painful sting in the world, and any chance encounter with said stinger would result in a 24 hour wave of throbbing, undying pain. For the boys in the Satere-Mawe tribe, this ritual will have to be repeated 20 times before they can officially call themselves men of the tribe.

Here’s a second video I found on youtube with regards to an initiation ceremony.

In this video, the boys are subject to thousands of cuts with a razor blade all over their bodies to form patterns. These pre-initiates are then subject to humiliation and shame (from the video, it seemed that the initiated members of the tribe treated them with hardly any semblence of respect during the pre-initiation phase) until their wounds have fully healed, and they’re considered to be initiated into the tribe. Oh did I mention that the boys aren’t allowed to cry out loud while being cut?

Ouch.

Give me National Service anyday over sticking both my hands into gloves full of ants, thank you very much.

Radical new proposition to the Government!

In General Bullshit, Rants and Raves on November 18, 2008 at 7:46 am

Jailed for pedestrian’s death
This is an amazing article, and I say amazing not in awe or with a wow factor, but with a resigned sigh in place.

From the article, a young lady driver noticed an elderly couple waiting to cross the road off Dunman Road, and honked her horn at them to warn them that she was approaching. Perfectly normal and as per what the Basic Theory book taught no? Here’s the kicker – instead of practicing some semblence of defensive driving, our protagonist stepped on the accelerator, thinking that the elderly couple would give way to the vehicle. No surprise there, as her car slammed right into the elderly couple, killing one and injuring the other. The lady driver was subsequently jailed for a month and banned from driving for 5 years.

What on earth’s happening to young drivers nowadays? I’m no old fart myself – 22, to be exact, but I dare say that I don’t do stupid things on the road like accelerate after honking at people on the road. I do speed occasionally on the expressway, but I sure as hell practice some form of defensive driving and I sure as hell do not assume that others will give way to me, or that simply because I have the right of way, I can do as I please.

It definitely comes as no surprise that there’re so many teenagers nowadays dying in road traffic accidents involving powerful sportscars, or motorcycles. In my opinion, that’s just Darwinism at work.

It’s nice and dandy that little rich kids have rich parents who’re willing to buy powerful sports cars for their beloved spawns and offsprings because they “love their satanic spawns” too damned much.

It’s also nice that said parents believe in giving their kids the best that money can buy, and as such, an excessive (read: disgusting) amount of pocket money, paving the way for these kids to zhng, or modify their cars because they are racers or it’s cool to be a racer like Jay Chou in Initial D or that angmoh fucktard in Tokyo Drift.

It’s DEFINITELY wonderful that these kids, with their pseudo-racer mentality, take it that girls get wet at their little secret place when they’re seated in a car going vroom vroom at 160kmph or more, and will probably want to suck their dicks because the modifications to the sports car made the engine vibrate MORE than a typical vibrator.

So vroom vroom goes the car, ugh ugh goes the girl, fap fap thinks the humsup driver, and screech screech boom goes the powerful sports car when it spins out of control and slams into a lamp post, or another vehicle.

Oh and boo-hoo-fucking-hoo for their parents, as their poor talented little offsprings head off to meet Satan in their afterlife, or if they were nice little kids, Jebus in Heaven to get bitch slapped for being such idiots.

We need MORE road traffic accidents involving teenagers, sportscars, and preferably lamp posts. Collateral damage should, and has to be kept to a strict zero, simply because we shouldn’t have to pay for the stupidity of others. Why lamp posts, you may ask.

I draw your attention to “$12m in troubled products, where two town councils have about SGD$12,000,000 in bad investment products, aka Lehman Minibonds and Merrill Lynch Jubilee Series 3. This SGD$12 million, meant for upgrading works to HDB buildings, routine mantainance, and any other long term repair works, has disappeared, and because this was an honest mistake, we as nice little Sillyporeans should move on and not harp on this anymore. Thus, it would be a win-win situation if little rich kids ram their sportscars into lamp posts, as they’ll be required to pay for the damaged lamp post.

Should enough stupid rich kids crash their performance cars into enough lamp posts, the Singapore government might actually be able to cover their SGD$12,000,000 losses! All they have to do is to reduce the number of Traffic Police patrols, police road blocks, as well as the removal of speed cameras on places popular with “racers”.

Perhaps the Government could name Marina Bay’s new landmark bridge Racer’s Bridge, in the hopes that it’ll attract all the racers to congregate and race there. By declaring the bridge a racing zone and removing ALL traffic police/police roadblocks and patrols in the area, and not installing any speed cameras, the Singapore Police Force can effectively cut down on operational costs, and with more lampposts being damaged, earn revenue to cover the SGD$12,000,000 deficit!

On an unrelated note, the Urban Redevelopment Authority (URA) would like members of the public to name the above mentioned bridge. Seeing how Singapore has a trend of naming key landmarks in a rather duh fashion (ie. Budget Terminal, Marina Bay…) I suggest that the URA name the bridge “The Marina Bay Bridge linking the Bayfront area to Marina Center”, or simply “The Long Bridge”. There’s no need for arty farty sciency names like “DNA link” or “Double-helix” because the typical Singaporean will not be able to understand it! By giving it a simplistic name, this will ensure that your typical Singapore will remember the bridge, and actually know what it means when they introduce it to foreigners.

FT (Foreign “talent”): Excuse me, what bridge is that?
SG (Singaporean): Oh that one ah… the long bridge loh.
FT: ??? Yes, it’s long indeed, but what’s the name of the bridge?
SG: Jibai lah you think limpeh bluffing you ijjits? The Long Bridge lah silang angmoh… don’t unnerstand say don’t unnerstand lah. Gong simi lanjiao ang mor… Hor gao kan larh pui.

For the fucking win please.

I am (not)free

In General Bullshit, Rants and Raves on September 13, 2008 at 6:34 pm

go to work, send your kid to school;

follow fashion, act normal;

walk on the pavement, watch tv;

save for your old age, obey the fucking law;

repeat after me: I AM (not)FREE

The art of tai-chi

In General Bullshit on March 9, 2008 at 9:32 am

I see the executive committee members from a certain club seem to have mastered the art of Tai-Chi very well indeed.

I happened to check my CCA records a couple of days ago and realised that I did not get my base points, along with my performance points for my short stint in this particular club. So I smsed a few people from the club, and they told me to contact a few of the “more important” people, ie. the chairman.

Here’s the reply I got from him.

“I’m not sure exactly how many [points]. That’s handled by the main comm

Interestingly enough here’s the msg one of the main comm members sent me prior to me texting the chairperson himself.

[chairman's hp number]… [chairman]’s handphone number. He is in charge of the points system and he is the president of the club. Tell him that I gave you his number.

So now I think I might be shortchanged for my participation because 90% of them do not require any form of CCA points to stay on, which means they really couldn’t be bothered about the points system since its of no use to them at all.

Pui.

Transition

In General Bullshit on March 9, 2008 at 6:06 am

Because I have 15,000+ hits on http://alvyn.wordpress.com as compared to the measly 4000+ hits on <a href=”http://alvyn.blogsome.com”>http://alvyn.blogsome.com</a>, I have decided to transfer back to wordpress, and <b>stick to it</b>.

You will see posts from <a href=”http://alvyn.blogsome.com”>http://alvyn.blogsome.com</a> appearing on this website. You will see rants appear on this website. You will see stupid photos being uploaded onto this website.

And you will learn to love it. You will comment on the posts. You will bookmark this website.

You will check back often, even if there are no updates.

You will up my view count because I am a view count whore.

In Emotive, General Bullshit, General Music, Hall life, Links, Lyrics, Music - Lyrics, Personal, Photos, Rants and Raves, Relationship/Love, School life, Wishlist on October 4, 2007 at 5:29 am

http://alvyn.blogsome.com til further notice.

In General Bullshit, Rants and Raves on September 17, 2007 at 3:35 pm

Been a while since I last posted… so here I am, back again with more random rants and bullshit to er… bullshit my oh-so-loyal readers.

Two tests tomorrow, for EL1101E and HY1101E, that’s English and History for you fucking nubs who don’t know the horrors of bidding for modules, and I’m majorly fucked because I have no HY1101E textbook, and the NUS Co-op’s out of stock too.

Hip-hoo-fucking-ray.

Stay tuned for more random shit. Goddamn it.

FUCK

In General Bullshit, Rants and Raves on July 6, 2007 at 12:34 am

Sometimes there’s no need to blog too much to express how you feel. This is one the of the times.

FUCK THIS SHIT

Musicality

In General Bullshit, General Music, Rants and Raves on June 29, 2007 at 3:57 am

Too many people have been asking me what my influences are, what drumming videos I watch and where I get groove from.

Don’t get me wrong, its great to have influences from great drummers. Personally I really dig Dennis Chambers, Teddy Campbell and Gordon Campbell for their groove, Thomas Lang for his insane chops and Carter Beauford for being the most natural drummer ever.

But imo, that should end there. Just pure influences. Don’t imitate their style, or copy their chops… by all means, use their chops but infuse your own style into it. That’s where your groove comes from.

Groove isn’t about taking multiple chops and styles and hybridising it into one… groove is self developed. It’s when you create your own music, your own beat and your own style. That’s groove.

Groove on guys.

Simi wako

In General Bullshit, Rants and Raves on June 12, 2007 at 3:19 am

Knn I actually tried to cut down on using too much vulgarities on my blog because I realised that a whole shit load of people read my blog, and since everybody thinks I’m a chao ah beng, I tried to cut down on vulgarities so people would think that I’m just some witty mofugger online.

But Jay Tay you motherfucking gay slut you made me use vulgarities on my blog. Just for you, you cumstained chickenshit pencil-dicked son-of-a-bitch, I’ll not bother about what everyone else thinks of me.

You have no leadership abilities whatsoever. You are just an arrogant stumpy piece of shit that happened to be ******’s manager, or store-man, seeing how you spend your time cooped up in your pathetic little store-room, trying to figure out ways to “cut costs” and cut our working timings.

Good luck on trying to solve your fucking discrepancies for drumsticks, accessories and whatever else that’s missing because you can get your gay-pet to help you while I spend the remaining 30 days of my work talking to the others, playing on the drumset, playing on the practice pad, or smoking and taking really long breaks.

Have fun, because you ain’t getting free fucking labour no more you son-of-a-bitch and good luck trying to get your drumsticks back in order because guess what? I’m not gonna help out with the drumsticks, as a matter of fact, before I leave, I’m gonna remove 25% of the sleeves and mess them all up, just so you’ll have one hell of a time trying to rearrange them.

Senior executive? Fuck off you don’t fool anybody. At the end of the day, you’re just a storeman, and you’re still gay.

Gay.

New desktop photo

In General Bullshit, Photos, Rants and Raves on June 10, 2007 at 4:18 am

Beatrix people…. drop me an email or msg me on msn if you want me to send the photos over… photos are 654mb in total, so if you don’t wish to spend 30 mins or more downloading them, let me know and I’ll zip them up and send them to you.

Some decent looking photos. For some reason the photographer doesn’t really like me… either I’m yawning in the photo, or I look like an absolute idiot guffawing. Kinda comical actually when combined together with my oh-so-cute hair.

p/s: for some reason the last 2 photos can’t be resized so i’ll just link em this way

Perlynn getting a free piggyback ride

Valerie getting her free piggyback ride

My not-so-secret-pal (haha winnie :P )

Cupfuckcake.

In General Bullshit, Rants and Raves on April 13, 2007 at 2:02 am

Goddamn it I swear the fucking Cuppycake song shit has got to be the most fucking freaky thing that you can hear when your semi-asleep at night in the dark.

I swear my heart fucking stopped when my phone started playing that fucking ringtone at 2.01am. I thought there was like some ginnah hantu in my room or something lah KNNBCCBHGGMP3.

Hantus ftl.

Ginnah hantu knnbftfl.

Zzz

In General Bullshit on April 13, 2007 at 1:51 am

You are trying to prove to others that nothing can really affect you. You are pretending to be stoical – indifferent to pain or pleasure and indeed even superior to any form of weakness. As a result, more often than not, you unfortunately act with undue harshness or severity by adopting an autocratic and self-willed attitude.

In actual fact you are not willing to exert yourself in any way. You have that truly ‘laid back’ attitude and are unwilling to extend yourself or exert undue effort. You feel that to move forward – be it in your life style or in business relationships – would require more energy output than you are prepared to give at this time. You want to take life easy and your attitude is such that ‘Enough is Enough’.

You know what you want and you are very dogmatic and demanding – especially in your emotional demands. You have specific ideas and beliefs and if these beliefs are not realised you can become extremely frustrated. You may not be that perfect but you are looking for perfection with the perfect partner.

You are on tenterhooks and appear to be extremely nervous and upset. You are bored and you feel that life has far more to offer than this present day mundane existence. The way that you feel indicates that you have the need for a responsive and understanding relationship. You are prepared to follow up any opportunity which may present itself. However you are very choosy and you refuse to be swept off your feet unless integrity can proved to be 100% genuine. Therefore you are holding back, keeping your emotions in check because before you let down your guard you have to be sure. You are too trusting and you have no desire to be hurt again. You are responsive to conditions around you – but forever under control.

You are afraid that you may not be able to realise or achieve your hopes and desires and so you insist that people should accept you as you are and appreciate your rights to anything that you aspire to.

Lantiu leh quite accurate. Limpeh is feeling quite freaked out now by a lantiu quiz. Simi lanjiao?

Don’t you hate it…

In General Bullshit on April 12, 2007 at 3:59 am

…….. when you’ve brushed your teeth and you feel hungry.

Apple (Not so)Power(ful) Book G4

In General Bullshit, Rants and Raves on January 31, 2007 at 3:05 am

My dearest apple powerbook g4. You have led me thru the Valley of Shadows, led me from thru The Barrens, into Crossroads, to Orgrimmar and into Ferelas. You have brought me to exotic places like Stranglethorn Vale and into the Badlands. But tonight, you chose to abandon me and just give up. You chose to die on me. You chose to give me that sickening grinding noise, show me those red words that spelt “FAILED” and chose not to fight the good fight.

You disgust me. You fill me with anger – anger towards you lack of a fighting spirit. Anger towards your abject lack of willpower and determination.

You make me sick. Sick at the fact that you couldn’t tap into your reserve energy, to propel yourself just abit more, and to make yourself a better er… laptop.

You gave up. You threw in the towel. You let me down.

p/s: I wonder when Apple’s gonna change my harddrive for me. They’d better do it fast, WoW sure lags like hell on my desktop.

Keke doggahs

In General Bullshit on January 28, 2007 at 7:09 pm

Spam

In General Bullshit on January 18, 2007 at 4:12 am

I get the most amazing spam on my blog EVER. From electric tooth brush, to viagra, to even used handphones. I must be fucking famous amongst the spam community man.

I wanna be a LEADER

In General Bullshit, Photos on November 25, 2006 at 3:44 pm

Keke ^^

In General Bullshit, Photos on November 20, 2006 at 8:06 pm

The band

In General Bullshit, Photos on November 20, 2006 at 6:09 pm

After an emergency band meeting at Al-Azhaar last night, our multi-talented vocalist/guitarist/bassist-wannabe/drummer-wannabe found out that he had left his headlights on, and thus, drained his car batteries! But it was not a problem for our multi-talented waterpolo/polisman/safe driver/lead guitarist ivan and our demure/petite bassist/tank-commander/mother yu hui, along with designated photowhore/photographer/keyboardist/unable-to-be-a-driver charlotte chew, and as a result, the car was up and running in only slightly more than an hour! We, indeed, are the perfek band because come what mayth, we areth ableth to DEFEATH IT MWAHAHA. I’ll let the photos speak for themselves before I get smote by God for lying thru my teeth. Kthxdie.

The horror! Thank God there was a TANK in the vicinity, and thus we could connect a jumper cable from the tank’s DIESEL/PLUTONIUM/NUCLEAR generatorz to the flat battery on Peh’s car!
20112006.jpg

After getting shocked by the uber powerful tank DIESEL/PLUTONIUM/NUCLEAR/BABY powered generator, Ivan, Peh and myself gathered around to discuss how we should go about punishing the n00b driver, Peh, for his costly oversight that made us all tired and sweaty by pushing his car around the car park while cute girls in short skirts mocked us behind comfy leather seats inside beastly BMW convertibles.
20112006003.jpg

Peh is sad because we have decided to not intro hot girls to him anymore as a punishment for his costly mistake. I’m sad because that means I won’t be able to get to know the hot girl’s hot friends. Thus, it was a lose-lose situation for us. Is it time for a smoke yet?
20112006006.jpg

Indeed, it was time!
20112006010.jpg

At last, the car could start, and thus we had to go home because it was raining and we might just melt in the rain :(
20112006011.jpg

Thus everybody was happy. Charlotte the photowhore/grapher was happy!
20112006015.jpg

Mom was happy too, because she’s standing next to her tank.
20112006007.jpg

Of emo rants and mindless raves.

In General Bullshit, Rants and Raves on November 20, 2006 at 3:41 am

I fail to comprehend why the government has to enlist strapping young males, who’re entering the prime years of their lives, into the army. Sure, the romantism of the armed forces will always appeal to the young males, especially the alpha males who value the chance to “lead” in the army. The idealism of donning the green camoflage uniform, the various coloured berets, shrugging on the green webbing, lifting up the oily rifle to defend and protect the country that birthed you. The country that you call home.

I fail to comprehend, then, the chasm that exists between the various arms of the armed forces, from the air to the sea, and finally to the land-based troops. Why’s there this divide between an Air Force specialist and an Army Specialist? What can they do that we as land-crawlers cannot do? Do we not train as hard, if not harder than they do? Do we not shed less tears and blood than them whilst in training? Do we not have what it takes to do our job as well as they can do theirs?

I fail to understand, then, the abyss that exists between the different Defence Forces, from the Men in Blue, to the fire fighters, and finally to the fools in green who suffer in silence, only to suffer extra confinement. Why is there a difference in the pay between a police corporal, and an army corporal? Why is there inequality between the fire fighter and the soldier? Are we unable to defend the country as well as the fire fighter and put out a blaze? Are we unable to bear arms the way a policeman bears his service revolver against armed robbers and criminals? Are we, as soldiers of the Motherland, unable to perform our duties that we have given 2 years of our lives to train for?

I fail to see eye to eye with regulars in the armed forces as well. Does signing a piece of paper, signing your life away for 10 years, give you more right, more power and more freedom as compared to us enlistees? Does it mean that we as enlistees aren’t capable of doing our jobs as well as you can perform yours, if not better? Does it mean that we as enlistees aren’t meant to be treated as human beings? Does it mean that you as a regular (idiot), who signed your life away, are bullet proof and invincible in times of war? Without enlistees, would there be a People’s Army? Would there be an SAF to defend the country that throws, unceremoniously, the responsibility of mantaining national security into the laps of 18-20 year olds with lesser benefits than their compatriots who’re busy mantaining social and civil security?

Well, you may have won this round and I may have lost. But bear in mind that in 42 more work days, I will be collecting my Pink IC and abandoning my rank. I’ll embrace my freedom with arms wide open while you continue to embrace your days with empty thoughts of promotions that’ll never come, of rank increaments that will probably never increase.

Bear in mind that in 42 more work days, you will be addressing me as Mister, and I’ll be calling you by your name.

Bear that in mind when you see me around, because I am no longer a lower life form compared to you. On the contrary, you’re shit compared to me because you’re a serviceman, and because I’m a civilian. Because I only wasted 2 years of my life in the army, whilst you’ve wasted close to 6 years.

Because at the end of the day, bear in mind that I’m still more successful than you’ll ever be. Because no matter what you do now, you’ll never catch up. So hey, here’s advice for you, extend your contract and continue protecting me. I might even give you a cookie when I’m done eating.

Of wireless and stupid fools with stupid music

In General Bullshit on November 19, 2006 at 1:47 am

So I’m at tampines interchange’s mac donalds with Char now, and I’m pissed as hell because of two things. Firstly, my laptop has 7% battery left and stupid ah bengs/lians are hogging the only power point. The previous group was playing stupid chinese songs and playing stupid gh3y-assed n00b games. Now the new bunch’s sitting there flaunting their pathetically small Fujitsus with 14″ screens and trying to look sophisticated and oh-so-high-class. Sorry, my 17″ wide screen macintosh powerbook owns you upside down inside out 7 fucking ways to church on any Sunday. Secondly, I can’t blast my music loudly because I’m a nice guy. Thus, Alvyn is pissed off :@

Charlotte says hi and that Alvyn rox.

Of purchases and of integrity.

In General Bullshit, General Music, Rants and Raves on November 11, 2006 at 2:05 am

I traded my 18″ medium crash for a 15″ K dark thin crash, and I realised that it was literally, the trade of the century. I had the better deal, or so I thought, until my phone rang this afternoon while I was in office, and the fellow who happily dealt his crash away to me, asked me to return it to him. I told him no, beceause a deal’s a deal, and I don’t do refunds or exchanges. He didn’t reply me after that.

Luckily for him, he didn’t reply me, or I would have spammed his motherfucking phone with my 1001 uber l33t fucking kanpua silan horrigible messages to make him 01 x fucking pissed off, but impotent to do anything because he only has my handphone number.

Which brings me to point 1. What’s the deal (lol pun) with fuckers who go back on deals that they’ve agreed on? I’ve said it more than once, if you can’t afford it, don’t offer any price, and don’t bargain the price down. Save up until you can get it. Why are people just so fucking stupid?

And now onto point 2. The band made it through the oh-so-fucking-vigorous BNJ auditions and we’re waiting for Jason to schedule us to play. If any of my dear wonderfully wonderful and loyal readers out there have any song suggestions to make, drop it in the comments section! But please do not that due to the nature of the place, I will definitely not play fucking Avenged Fucking Sevenfold or Iron Fucking Maiden and get myself thrown out of the entire complex itself. Top40s and rock would be nice. Have fun!

Last but not least, 52 work days to ORD and counting down before I say goodbye to this puabye army. PUI.

Of desktops and auditions

In General Bullshit, General Music, Photos on November 5, 2006 at 5:32 pm

Ok so I finally got around to posting images of my desktop, and this is how it looks like now. Icons courtesy of pixelgirlpresents..

desktop.jpg

Right, now that I’ve got the hard part down, its time to tell you, my dear readers, about something really exciting. shakenotstirred aka my band, is having our “ceremonial” auditions at Ben and Jerry’s Cathay on Tuesday, at 8.30pm. We only have to play 3 – 4 songs, so I’m sorry if you were expecting more than that. We will, obviously, be playing more than 3-4 songs when we finally get about gigging there, but since we decided not to skip and bypass protocol and audition like how everybody has to, we have no choice but to stick to the audition “rules”, which means we will have to do only 3-4 songs.

Which means I’m in a little dilemma now. I’ll be playing on a 4 piece setup with 2 main crashes along with my hats and ride. I’m deciding if I should bring along my extra cymbal stand just in case they don’t have a spare stand for my 18″ Avedis Medium Crash. As it is, I’m already lugging my Pearl Eliminator pedals, my Yamaha 14×4 maple snare, along with all my cymbals down to BNJ. One more cymbal stand’ll either be worth it, or kill me. Comments, please?

If you decide to head down to watch us, do drop me a line at alvyn07@gmail.com or hit me up on MSN messenger at the same email address. I’ll dedicate our last song to all you wonderful people who’ll come down and watch us! (Yes, wonderful people, because you-who-do-not-turn-up-for-our-audition/show is a fucktard)

NABEI CHARLOTTE SAYS IM RUDE

In General Bullshit, Rants and Raves on November 1, 2006 at 4:19 pm

Nabei limpeh tiaos you. Charlotte said I’m rude. Still dare to TSK TSK LIM PEH.

NI NABEI I TELL U. LIMPEH IS NOT RUDE OK. Limpeh is the most polite motherfucking person around you’ve ever met. I give you example.

When I want to scold someone I say please and thank you ok.

Excuse me sir, NABEI PUA BYE YOU KANINABEH CHAOCHEEBYE YOU GO OUTSIDE HOR GAO GAN, HUM GAR CHAN, KAN BU KAN PEH. NABEI PUABYE HUMJI PUBOH KIA TIU LEI LOMO HUM GAR CHAN LAH PUI CHAO NUA KANINA. Thank you for listening to me sir. Have a nice day, good bye.

If that is not being polite, then I don’t know what the fuck is being polite lor. NABEI.

Pu boh you Charlotte for saying I’m rude pui Xiu puke on you.

WRONG.

In General Bullshit on October 24, 2006 at 5:43 pm

Oops.

Wishlist again.

In General Bullshit, General Music, Wishlist on October 13, 2006 at 2:23 am

Tis’ time of the year that draweth near,
Time of dwaves and trolls and evil gnomes.
Where magic runneth abundantly
And wishlists appear magically.

1. 14×6 10ply maple snare
2. 10×6 porkpie acrylic snare
3. roc’n’soc drum throne
4. yamaha flying dragon double pedals (direct drive)
5. 10″ hh splash
6. 14″ hh dark crash
7. 18″ zildjian oriental china trash
8. nissan skyline

Endth.

Kaninabu.

In General Bullshit, Rants and Raves on October 13, 2006 at 12:42 am

Kaninabu I tell you. For some reason nowadays, I’ve been getting annoyed and irritated very easily, especially in the office, on the bus or while taking the MRT to camp (especially TO camp).

For example, I was on the MRT this evening coming home from camp. When I boarded the bloody packed train at Khatib station, there was this fucking kanina aunty trying to push her way out of the train. She was heavily laden with paper bags, and she was fat. Like a fucking COW. And there she was pushing and shoving her way out of the train, thus effectively blocking us from boarding the train. What pissed me off was that the fucking aunty didn’t even muster a single “Excuse me” while pushing her way out of the train. Ni nabeh, machiam we owe her money like that, mouth got gold or something. Cheebye I slap her then her mouth really got “gold”.

Then I boarded the train. It was crowded, no doubt about it, since it was time the worker bees got off from work. Then, a miracle happened, and someone stood up and got off the train at Yishun station, right in front of me. Seeing no old people around, I wanted to take the fucking seat to rest my fucking legs that were aching because of my stupid fucking run. Then this fucking aunty (AGAIN CHAO CHEEBYE), just rushed in and grabbed the seat. In the process her fucking fake LV hand bag hit me on my forearm and almost made me drop my ipod mini. Nabei lucky limpeh was in uniform. If not limpeh confirm tell her to go fuck herself and all her ancestors 1x hohseh.

I really don’t understand all those aunties. Is there like a lesson or lecture to attend when you’re 30-40 years old? “How to be a good aunty/uncle” by Profession Kan Li Zhor Gong Zhap Buay Dai, Kaobeh Kaobu University? If there is, sign me up please. I want to tell that professor to live up to his name and fuck all his ancestors for 18 generations.

Then another thing I want to kaobeh about is very serious. Why do people insist on trying to read whatever you’re reading on the MRT? Newspaper, books, SMS… they’d want to read it all. Like WHAT THE FUCK can’t you buy your own papers, read your own book, sms your own gay fuck buddy or just read my fingers? They spell FUCK YOU VERY MUCH btw. Its fucken kan pua si lang annoying when people try to read your smses when you’re typing. Probably wondering which hot chick I’m smsing right? WRONG FUCKWADS I’M SMSING MY ENCIK TELLING HIM THAT I’M ON MC.

Cheebye I swear I’ll put animal porn on my handphone one day. Then when some nosy fucktard tries to read my messages, I’ll just play the animal porn on full blast and ask him, “SONG BOH U LIKE OR NOT I CAN BLUE TOOTH TO YOU ONE LEH. OR YOU WANT THE MAN FUCK MAN TYPE HUH HUH HUH?” Kaninabu talking about it makes my blood boil. Urgh.

Anyway I’m on leave tomorrow. Thank god the fat fuck approved my leave or I’ll probably be forced to blog this shit from camp and it’ll probably be 10x angstier and more vulgar.

Na Charlotte. I blogged already. I bet you’re fucking happy right.. and you still owe me my prison break. I swear if you don’t pass it to me soon I’ll chop your toes off ala Prison Break Episode 2’s ending.

Eh siao eh.

In Emotive, General Bullshit, Rants and Raves on October 2, 2006 at 6:56 pm

Ever wondered what the fuck people mean when they say,

It’s better to have loved than to never love at all.

Well I’ve been doing some pondering on certain subjects pertaining to the above mentioned quote, and I’ve come to conclusion that people who tell you that the above mentioned quote makes sense are complete and absolute idiots who probably haven’t been in love before, or who think that true love comes in rectangular packages marked with words such as “XXX Cheerleaders” or from links like www.xxx-cheerleaders.com.

Personally I liken the above mentioned quote to something along the lines of,

It’s better to have had tons of money, than to not have tons of money at all

Simi lanjiao loh. Its machiam I had USD$1,000,000,000,000 to my name last year, but due to my spending on food and cigerettes and booze and drum stuff and condoms I only have like USD$10 to my name now. So I walk into a casino and the following occurs.

Me: OI SIAO LIAN EH I WANT TO PRAY BRACK JACK LEH.

Casino staff: Sorry sir, you don’t have enough money to pay for the entry to the casino.

Me: OI SIAO EH. Last year limpeh got USD$1,000,000,000 gazillion loh. Or you just lemme play credit lah. I treat you teh tarik later lar siao lian eh. Eh sai lah.

Casino staff: I’m sorry sir, but you do not have the money with you right now, and we can’t let you play on credit. I’m truly sorry sir, I’ll have to ask you to leave.

Me: EH NABEI PUA TURBAN CHEEBYE LANCHEOW MP3LJBBBQ LIMPEH KA LI KONG LAST TIME LIM PEH IS GOTS MONEY LOH. IS BETTER TO HAVE SIBEI A LOT OF MONEY LAST TIME THAN TO NOT HAVE MONEYS LOH THEN BECOME CASINO STAFF LOH SIAO EH.

Casino staff: Sorry sir, if you put it that way, then I’d say that I’d prefer my current status. -takes out $50 note- At least I still have enough money on me to call for a prostitute. I’d wager you’d have to sell your backside to raise enough money for you to take a taxi home. Have a nice day sir.

VEH SIMILAR TO LOVE RIGHT.

Aiyah but I tell you, the worst thing is not being able to do anything about the person you like/love/lust/wannafuck. So limpeh ka li gong, loving someone but not knowing if that someone feels the same towards your, OR loving someone and knowing that it probably will never work out, is the most kanpua si lang horrigible thing that can happen to you.

Dirty little secret

In Emotive, General Bullshit on October 2, 2006 at 3:33 am

come on and send the sign;
i’ll be your dirty little secret
and you’ll be mine.

草枝擺

In General Bullshit on October 1, 2006 at 7:33 pm

(男)八月中秋山林涼
(女)風吹大地草枝擺
(男)甘霖老母趕羚羊
(女)來年羊毛超級賣
(合)草枝擺啊趕羚羊
(合)趕羚羊啊草枝擺
(男)庭院織芭為君開
(女)都蘭山曉金棘擺
(男)天搖地動舟渡嵐
(女)嗚呼甘霖老蹟埋
(合)金棘擺啊老蹟埋
(合)老蹟埋啊金棘擺

Of noisy kids and stupid parties

In General Bullshit, Rants and Raves on September 22, 2006 at 5:37 pm

So I’m sitting in a corner (har har i can predict that mat jokes coming alr -_-) with my powerbook surfing the net on free Starnet wireless at mac donalds, Lot 1, when some mac donald’s staff comes over and tells me in this annoyingly chirpy voice, “Hi sir, there’ll be a PARTY here soon so you can’t sit here anymore! Teehee!”. Thanks to her, I had to carry my laptop and shift to another corner – this time right next to the toilet. (Though I’m not complaining cuz there’s a powerpoint here)

While I’m ranting and angsting and musing, the kids are jumping around to strains of “Happy birthday” and being oh so happy. I’m gazing wistfully at them, and wishing with a passion that they’ll grow up, and enlist into the army soon. Then they’ll realise that there’s nothing fun about birthdays after all.

Now I’m just wondering. Why the hell does mac donalds allow kids to celebrate their birthdays INSIDE the pseudo-restaurant itself? They’ve got a humongous outdoor ‘dining’ area, so why can’t the kids use it? Perhaps I should work my way to becoming the CEO of mac donalds. Or the regional manager of Mac Donalds Singapore. Then I’ll pass the ruling that states:

All pesky kids who wish to celebrate their birthdays at said restaurant shall only be allowed to occupy no more than 3 (THREE) tables, in an outdoor setting only. Kids are not allowed to run about or scream in the restaurant. Failure to comply with the above mentioned law will result in severe disciplinary action being taken. Repeat offenders will be thrown into the vat of oil used to fry french fries. Parents of said offenders shall be liable to the cost incurred for the damaged fries inside the vat of oil. So help you God.

It would be cool! Just imagine a conversation between me and a nasty parent:

Me: Sorry ma’am, your son has repeated breached company laws and shall be pu-nished.
Parent: Huh? How ar.
Me: (picks up little boy screaming and all) I shall now throw him into the vat of oil.
Parent: HUH CANNOT!!! HE IZ MY BABY BOI IF U THROW HIM IN HOW HE DIE HOW??!?!?!?
Me: Well too bad ma’am. I have to set an example for future kids. (Throws kid into vat of boiling oil)
Kid: AHHHHHHH!!!……
Parent: AH BOI AH!!!! AHHHHHH! *goes crazy*
Me: Sorry ma’am, you’ve been caught screaming twice in mac donalds. According to company law, I have to throw you into the vat of oil as well. But before I do so, could you please sign this form. It states that you’ll pay us SGD$10,000 for damages to unsold fries and unused oil. (Picks woman up)
Parent: -faints-
Me: Bye fools. (Throws)

Endth.

Of prostituted drummers and little dads.

In General Bullshit, Rants and Raves on September 15, 2006 at 4:49 pm

Due to popular (maybe not so…) demand from Charlotte, here’s the long overdue post regarding a certain prostituted drummer I saw in orchard road on… saturday.

Ok I’ll bet most of my blog readers’ll be intimately familiar with this little boy behind a drumset, banging away and performing his own rendition of a “drum solo” in the middle (right fucking-smack) of orchard road. Personally, I’ve never seen that (supposed) drum virtuoso in action before, so I used to view him as some kind of a prodigy – until I saw the pseudo-prodigy in “action” last Saturday.

Visualise a little scrawny boy, complete with a “Dreamy, I’m-so-fucking-blur-I-don’t-know-what-to-do-because-I’m-just-a-bloody-kid” look on his little kiddy face, dwarfed by his new shiny Zildjian K custom HYBRID cymbals, allegedly free from Zildjian aka yamaha combo shop. Next, visualise his FATHER standing behind him, adjusting his drumset for him, adjusting the discman for him (?!?!?!) before picking up a mic and announcing proudly to the whole fucking crowd that his spawn-of-satan was about to “perform” the next song for the crowd, so would the crowd please clap a little for the boy to encourage him to play and bang away on his drumset loudly.

Now visualise, or in this case audiolise, strands of Planetshakers blaring out from one of the grossly undersized and underpowered amplifiers behind him, to which the little drummer boy picks his cue from, and starts DRUMMING AWAY OUT OF TIME WITHOUT DYNAMIC CONTROL AND WITH NO FUCKING GROOVE AT ALL.

HOORAY FOR NIGHTMARES AND MUSICAL BLASPHEMY. If God was Stanton Moore or Carter Beauford, He’d have smote (?) that little creep right there on the spot along with his pimpin’ father figure, and sent them straight to Hell for the sacrilegious display of “groove”.

What I was amazed at was the fact that Yamaha chose to ENDORSE him with hybrid cymbals just because he’s “Singapore’s Youngest Drummer”. Just because his father threw him in the middle of Orchard Road behind a drumse and told him to “bang around on the drumset” does not make him a drummer. Hell, I could get my cousin’s young son to sit behind my drumset and bang away and call him a drummer too, couldn’t I?

Next, I was disgusted at the way his “father” pimped him to the crowd, calling them on to clap for him, telling them to stay and listen to him play. When I first heard about the little drummer, I thought maybe he was doing it because he genuinely liked it. But after seeing him in action, I realised that he didn’t really have a choice.

Now all you fuckers who’re about to flame me (as usual), read this. Back when you fuck faces were what? 8 – 10 years old? Have you ever said no to your mom or dad when they said they were about to enrol you in ballad class? No? That’s right, because whatever you dipshits said would have NO impact on the outcome – you’d still go for the bloody ballad class.

Similarly, don’t tell me that the little boy had a choice not to play, because he wouldn’t have had a chance to refuse to play. He’d just have to sit down behind his drumset and bang away to please his parents.

Why destroy the peace in orchard road?

Why prostitute a young boy?

Why force us to listen to a young boy who can’t drum for nuts?

Why the FUCK?

Singapore Idle-no-more

In General Bullshit, General Music, Rants and Raves on September 7, 2006 at 9:13 pm

The crowd went wild – screaming, jeering, some even crying. Emotions ran high among the audience, and there was more than one dry eye amongst them.

Well I’m sorry, dry eyes may have been a rather rare sight over at Caldecott Hill, but over here in heartlandy Choa Chu Kang, dry eyes were the norm.

It’s finally a singing contest now, and not just stage presence and popularity leading the way. I watched the “fan club” on TV shed tears of sorrow and sadness as Paul was voted off SI, and I wondered to myself, “What the FUCK made the n00bs so blind (deaf?) that they can’t even tell that he CANNOT SING, even if his NUTS depended on it. Urgh.

Well, I’m glad he’s out. It’s a sign, me thinks, with Joakim going out the week before, and Paul going out today. It’s a sign that the general population in Singapore has gone for their annual medical, and in the process have discovered the hearing defect that all seem to have. ENT departments at the various hospitals in Singapore have to be commended for their quick and promt action in handling, and successfully overcoming this aural problem. Kudos to you fellows hur hur.

Oh I just have to add the following:
The reason why Five For Fighting – Superman was such a popular song that DOMINATED the airwaves for a period of time is due to the fact that the lead vocalist’s voice is fucking MIXED to the maxed, and he can switch from his uber voice to his uber fasletto. By downtuning the song and singing it in 100% uber un-l33t voice, the song was completely FUCKED.

Ugh.

Of unsecure wireless connections and free bandwidth

In General Bullshit on September 5, 2006 at 9:48 pm

So here I am in front of the TV in my mom’s room with my macbook in front of me and I’m online via some wireless connection called, “linksys01″. Well, the signal strength’s pretty high.. 3 bars according to Mr. Airport status.

Yeah I know you ethical morally-upright bastards will probably be leaving comments on this post such as, “ZOMG!!11 yuo r l33ching his megahurtz yuo r stealin!!11oneone.” Well, fuck you very much. My logic stands – if thou leaveth thy wireless connection unsecuredeth, then thou shalt not blame thy neighbour from stealing thy bandwidtheth.

We’re hitting Zouk again this wednesday, Me, Shabbir, Claudia, Peixuan, Carrine, Charlotte, Peh, Siao Hiao and friends. Hur hur this’ll be quite fun, me thinks.

And Snow Patrol’s Chasing Cars makes me really wanna chase some cars.

A nice, deserted stretch of road with orange overhead street lights. Crickets making that occasional crickety noise (or whatever you call it) every few minutes or so, chorused by the solitary bark every now and then. The moon, round and bright way up in the starless sky, hypnotizing us with his luminance. Since I’ve got to find a way to adhere to the song, I guess I should be Chasing Cars right about now. But hey, chasing you’s like chasing cars. Gaining the lead initially, but gradually losing it, and losing strength, stamina and speed along the way.

Escape me not, for I r riding a big ass noisy powerful motorcycle foo mwahaha.

Photos!

In General Bullshit, Photos on September 3, 2006 at 2:32 pm

As promised, here’re the photos from yesterday. When Charlotte went crazy with my phone. Haha.

Charlotte and me

Here we go again…

And again…

Mousey charlotte…

Jaundiced us….

Taken at al-azhaar at 0151 hrs.

New desktop photo

In General Bullshit, Rants and Raves on August 27, 2006 at 3:59 pm

Of 21km runs and redundant questions

In General Bullshit on August 27, 2006 at 12:43 pm

So I just finished running my AHM 21km (competitive ok, mai sng sng hor). It was a very enlightening experience, and by enlightening, I actually meant painful. But hey, that’s besides the point isn’t it?

It was a painful experience, but its an experience that I’ll not regret, nor forget.

Now onto redundant questions. You know what pisses me off? (Apart from people who blog and start a sentence with ‘You know…’) Idiots asking his/her friend at AHM, “Eh hello Ah Beng, what’re you doing here?”

“Wah I came here to cook and surf porn loh.”

And, “Wah Ah Beng, which unit you in ah?”

-points to singlet displaying unit logo- “This one loh.”

Why are people so stupid at times. Sigh.

On a side note, I got myself a pair of 13″ zildjian newbeats. Those suckers are amazingly crisp and articulate. I love them to bits.

Unleash the cam whore within

In General Bullshit, General Music on August 24, 2006 at 8:22 pm

Since I’m kinda bored, I’ll unleash the camwhore within and post photos!

Me and Charlotte
25062006.jpg
Me and Peh after mambo
24082006001.jpg
Peh, rhythm guitars and vocals
19082006.jpg
asdf

Oi!

In General Bullshit on August 24, 2006 at 7:52 am

Ok so it’s 0747 now and I just got back from a night of clubbing at Zouk with Peh, Joseph aka Peh’s friend, Claudia, Peixuan, Shabbir (With his l33t Tuscani) and Charlotte. It was fun, until I swallowed my share of Hot and Sticky, and felt the world turn into a nice shade of blur around me. I was about to plunge happily into that facade of joy, until I realised that Claudia, Charlotte and Peh were all gone, leaving me and Joseph to be happy Fathers/Mother(fuckers).

Well, I won’t dwell on what happened, but I’d admit it was a really fun night. It’s been quite sometime since I got together with Shabbir to party, and party we did last night (or was it this morning..)! Muchos gracious to that ol’ swine for ferrying Peixuan and Claudia back, helping us take care of them and being a nice guy last night. Brownie points for you dude.

And Peh and Joseph, we should club more together, but Joseph, please train Peh more in the Ways of Drinking and make sure he doesn’t concuss after like, that little alcohol please.

On a side note, I saw someone that I didn’t wanna see at Zouk last night. I wonder if it was the alcohol or just me, but I felt like giving that someone a really nice punch in his/her face.

Or would that have been too violent?

This is not a cry for help. This is just my inner demon speaking.

In General Bullshit, Rants and Raves on August 20, 2006 at 12:36 am

Good Lord, where are You?
If You really do exist,
why don’t You come out of hiding and
do something about this creature in distress?
The prophets have declared Your mercy.
You do reign over our world, they say
You do show concern
for the poor clods of this earth.
Good Lord, prove it!
Look down from wherever You are
on Your creatures wallowing in wretchedness.
Deliver us, O God, set us free!

For your years have no end,
nor do the destinies of those who trust in You

Of piercings and epidermal inking

In General Bullshit on August 19, 2006 at 10:55 am

I was rudely awakened this morning by a small, grey furry dog who decided that it would be warmer under my blanket, and more comfortable sleeping on my pillow. Thus, I abdicted and decided to do a little research on tattoos.

After talking to the few people around me who’re kinda more supportive and interested in tattoos, piercings the works, I decided that I’d probably get one after I ORD.

While searching for “Sanskrit Tattoos”, I chanced upon a particular page, and this particular paragraph left a distasteful aftertaste in the back of my throat. Here’s a little extract

“Any kind of body piercing, marking, or tattooing is connected to spirit control. The evil spirit many not control the life at the beginning of the involvement with this world, but will certainly seek to do so eventually. Visit a few tattoo shops and witness about the Lord Jesus. You will quickly find that a large number of them are into heathen religions of Native Indians, Hindus, etc. You absolutely cannot separate this sub-culture from evil spirits and heathen religions. When you adopt their culture, you accept the spirit that birthed that culture.”

I’m not trying to be rebellious, or sound like the usual band-wagon hopping, church hating kind of person, but yes, personally I felt insulted. “Any kind of body piercing, marking, or tattooing is connected to spirit control.” Well I apologise for sounding like a moron, but how can body piercing, marking or tattooing be connected to spirit control? Doesn’t that mean that the millions of women around the world who pierced their ears are under the control of some malicious spirit? Or the initiation ritual of the Marine Reconnaissance Unit of branding the words “USMC” with a red hot poker? Does it mean that the Marines are under some form of freaky spirit control? How about the millions of teenagers who’ve tattoos on them? Are they going to hell because of it.

I’m wondering what the fallout’ll be when I get my tattoo/s done. I’ll probably be labelled as a “rebel”, someone who walked down the wrong path, or probably a deviant. Ah well, that ought to be fun, seeing their responses.