5.30am

I hate staying awake because there’s nobody online to talk to at 5.30am, and it sure as hell feels lonely as fuck in my room.

But I still have to finish my webcast and my essay outline. Damn it.

Now playing:
Secondhand Serenade – Fall for you

Meme from Fysh

Because its 4.43am now and I have a tutorial at 10am later, I shall post a meme that I koped from Fysh’s blog. I don’t know wtf a meme is, but here’s a meme anyway.

Three Things You Want To Do Before You Die:
1) Earn big bucks.
2) Drive a really big car and stay in a really big house.
3) Earn more money.

Three Screen Names You Have Had:
1) alvyn
2) -=[-e33-]=-.h4m5t3r. or something like that. gotta ask the fools that got pwned by me in CS tho.
3) HERE’S ONE MORE FROM IRC DAYS TOO… bAbY’aLv or something equally gay like that.

Three Physical Things You Like About Yourself:
1) My height
2) My physique
3) Uh.. my huge cock maybe. Ok I mean like, my eyes, that some swear look like a girl’s.

Three Parts Of Your Heritage:
1) Singaporean
2) Some Indonesian tribe
3) Nfi

Three Things That Scare You:
1) Injections
2) Hantus
3) Baby hantus

Three Of Your Everyday Essentials:
1) Wallet.
2) L&M Reds
3) Handphone.

Three Things You Are Wearing Right Now:
1) OCS PT shirt
2) black fbts
3) Specs?

Three Of Your Favorite Bands/Musical Artists:
1) Soilwork
2) Meshuggah
3) Judas Priest

Three Of Your Favorite Songs:
1) Hell’s Kitchen
2) Daybreak’s Bell
3) Violent Pornography

Three Things You Want In A Relationship:
1) Sex
2) Sex.
3) Sex.

Ok just kidding.

Three Physical Things About The Preferred Sex That Appeal To You:
1) Pony tails
2) Self-confidence (fine not physical but TOO BAD)
3) Nice perky ass

Three Of Your Favorite Hobbies:
1) Running
2) Drumming
3) Mugging (Lololol)

Three Things You Want To Do Really Badly Right Now:
1) End this shit and sleep
2) Smoke
3) Get high

Three Careers You’re Considering/You’ve Considered:
1) Lawyer (ggxx)
2) Politician
3) A job in the MFA

Three Places You Want To Go On Vacation:
1) New York
2) Japan
3) Alaska

Three Kid’s Names You Like:
1) Petrucci
2) Adrienna
3) Seth

Three Ways That You Are Stereotypically A Girl:
1) I can be quite kaopeh/bitchy/gossipy
2) I’m fucking vain
3) I’m like a lesbian chick because I like girls

Three Ways That You Are Stereotypically A Boy:
1) I swear. More than Fysh
2) I have something dangly.
3) I like girls. A lot.

The many paradoxes of an undergraduate’s life

So much time to party but so little time to study.

So much money to shop at ikea and to decorate our rooms but so little left to spend on books.

So capable of downing 16 shots of tequila on the rooftop during drinking sessions but so incapable of downing coffee or redbull to stay awake during lectures

So much time to blog and to read useless articles on the internet but so little time to do proper readings or to do up outlines for essays.

So screwed but so happy.

So paradoxical.

I am (not)free

go to work, send your kid to school;

follow fashion, act normal;

walk on the pavement, watch tv;

save for your old age, obey the fucking law;

repeat after me: I AM (not)FREE

Banglas and buses

The Government recently announced plans to house foreign workers in dormitories converted over from old and unused state buildings such as schools, which would mean an increased in the number of public nuisance complains, loud and noisy bullshitting sessions at void decks, littering, and a migration of their culture (often ugly) over.

I’ve had friends who tell me not to be racist, and that these foreign workers – both the Banglas and the Tiongs, are here to work because they’re seeking a better future and a better life for themselves and their loved ones back at home, and because of that, we should take pity on them and emphatize with them.

In either 2 or 3 years time, I’ll be working to seek a better future, and to hopefully get a better life for myself and to provide for my family in the future. Who’s going to be looking out for me, and who’s gonna symphatize with me.

“Aww.. look Alvyn’s so tired because he’s been working so hard. Let me give him another $3000 on top of his salary each month because I can emphatize with him.”

But I digress.

Why should we pity them if they’re not making an attempt to integrate into society? When in Rome, do as the Romans do no?

Interesting story to share with my readers here. I took a bus from Harbourfront/Vivocity on Sunday night, and the bus stop was crammed with Bangladeshi workers waiting to grab a bus back to their shipyard dormitory. As expected, they were running up and down trying to cram into the buses, pushing, shoving and generally making a lot of noise. I let 3-4 buses pass before I decided to board 143. Just as I was getting my left foot onto the steps of the bus, some fucking Bangla tried to push his way up from the side. I instinctively elbowed his face and pushed him away, much to the amusement of the other Singaporean passengers around me, and told him to “fuck off asswipe”.

On the hindsight, I felt a little sad because I didn’t put enough weight into elbowing his fucking face.

And this is just how they take buses back to their shipyard dormitories. How can we expect to see anything different once they start congregating at void decks to drink, eat and to party? How can we be expected to compromise and to adapt to their styles, when the Government has been telling us for so long now that, “Singapore’s our home”?

To end off, let me just mention a couple of places that would be ideal to house all foreign workers… places such as <b>Jurong Island, Kusu Island, Pedra Branca, Sister’s Island</b>…

Reflections and regrets

It’s really when you’re alone and when your mind’s clear that you start thinking and reflecting on the past. Regretting at times, cherishing memories when they come, and most importantly of all, knowing that you’re still sane and you’ve got a long way to go in life.

My maternal grandfather passed away when I was in Primary 4. I received the news after I got my report book, I topped my class and was so excited about it, until my dad told me in the car that Ah Gong passed away. Strangely enough, I don’t recall feeling extremely sad by it, probably because I didn’t have a strong bond with my Ah Gong. I can remember comforting my cousin during the funeral, and how everybody was crying during the cremation itself, but that’s about it. I’ve not had a single dream with him in it, and I can’t recall the last time I visited his niche, or for that matter, where it is at now.

My paternal grandfather passed away before I enlisted into Army, while I was at work. I remember visiting him before I headed to work, seeing him in the ICU with tubes all over, bloated due to water retention, and in a coma. I remember trying to talk to him a few times, but being unable to talk much because he couldn’t reply me (obviously), and I didn’t know what to say. Fast forward to the day of his death. I remember not sleeping for 2 days, staying with his coffin to talk to him, and buying him coffee on the day of his cremation. I remember telling him that I let him down as the eldest grandson because I had never gotten coffee for him before, and the first time I did it was only after his death. I remember being an emo wreck, and my legs giving way during the cremation, and blacking out after that.

My maternal grandmother passed away on the 3rd day of FWOC last year. My parents didn’t really give me details about her condition, though I knew it was serious. I never expected her to pass away so soon. I kinda visited her only twice during the entire FWOC period with Fabian, and I remember her struggling to sit up to see us when we arrived. I remember waking up at 8am, receiving an SMS from my dad that simply said, “Ah Ma passed away this morning peacefully.”, and I remember thinking in my heart, “How the fuck can anybody pass away peacefully?” I remember sitting in my room, chain smoking until I was composed enough to shower, change up and cab down straight away. The next couple of days flew by quickly, and I had to rush to and fro from Tampines to Kent Ridge Hall to do my biddings, attend various matriculation fairs etc etc. I remember my cousin calling me after I left the wake, and asking me to “slow down”, because he was going at 120kmph and he couldn’t keep up with me. I delivered the eulogy in both English and Chinese prior to her cremation at Mandai Crematorium, and I remember choking over words and struggling to find my compusure as I spoke. I remember heading back to hall right after that, sleeping and refusing to wake up for at least a whole day. Everything else was a blur, as I chain smoked 1-2 packs a day, and binge drinking – the last thing I remembered before waking up in my room with a fucking awesome hangover was downing Chivas from the bottle, along with countless shots of JD and cans of beer.

In a way, I’m glad that I had a chance to experience everything. I’ve lost loved ones, but I’ve gained valuable lessons, and I’ve learnt to cherish what I have around me. My paternal grandmother’s still around, and I’ve made the effort to spare at least one day to visit her, and to have lunch with her. I can tell that she’s happy that I’m visiting her, and though I can’t speak fantastic Cantonese, she’s too happy that I’m visiting to bother that I’m speaking in Chinese/English.

I did lose some, but at the same time, I’ve gained some too.

What the fuck.

When someone asks you if you want to go for supper, it actually means “hey would you like to head out to grab a bite with me/us?” and not “hey you want to da bao anything?”

Everybody has fucking 8am or 10am lectures or tutorials, and everybody needs to fucking sleep. If you want to eat, have the fucking basic courtesy off heading out with them to eat, and not assuming that they’re going to da bao for you.

You’re using people, arseholes. That’s not a nice thing to do, unless you’re always offering to da bao for others as well. You need to fucking study, need to fucking rest, need to fucking masturbate or do whatever you fucks do in your rooms at night. But hey, here’s news for you – SO DO WE YOU MOTHERFUCKERS.

Goddamn it.