Aerosmith – I don’t wanna miss a thing

I could stay awake just to hear you breathing
Watch you smile while you are sleeping
Far away and dreaming
I could spend my life in this sweet surrender
I could stay lost in this moment forever
Well, every moment spent with you
Is a moment I treasure

I don’t wanna close my eyes
I don’t wanna fall asleep
‘Cause I’d miss you, babe
And I don’t wanna miss a thing
‘Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I’d still miss you, babe
And I don’t wanna miss a thing

Lying close to you
Feeling your heart beating
And I’m wondering what you’re dreaming
Wondering if it’s me you’re seeing
Then I kiss your eyes and thank God we’re together
And I just wanna stay with you
In this moment forever, forever and ever

I don’t wanna close my eyes
I don’t wanna fall asleep
‘Cause I’d miss you, babe
And I don’t wanna miss a thing
‘Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I’d still miss you, babe
And I don’t wanna miss a thing

I don’t wanna miss one smile
I don’t wanna miss one kiss
Well, I just wanna be with you
Right here with you, just like this
I just wanna hold you close
Feel your heart so close to mine
And stay here in this moment
For all the rest of time

Don’t wanna close my eyes
Don’t wanna fall asleep
‘Cause I’d miss you, babe
And I don’t wanna miss a thing
‘Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
‘Cause I’d still miss you, babe
And I don’t wanna miss a thing

I don’t wanna close my eyes
I don’t wanna fall asleep
‘Cause I’d miss you, babe
And I don’t wanna miss a thing
‘Cause even when I dream of you
The sweetest dream will never do
I’d still miss you, babe
And I don’t wanna miss a thing

Don’t wanna close my eyes
Don’t wanna fall asleep, yeah
I don’t wanna miss a thing

Stereotypes

Stereotyping is bad, mmkay?

And people who can do paperwork and handle administrative stuff are important mmkay?

Musicality Part Deux

First of all, why the hell are people searching for “alvyn wordpress” in google? If they know that I’m hosted on wordpress, why can’t they just type in “http://alvyn.wordpress.com”? :O Baffling.

Jamming and performing with Clarence and Ivan has taught me alot indeed, both musically, and with regards to life in general. There’re really no boundaries between us, no holding back on both praise and criticism – and that’s what I like in a band.

Take me and Ivan for instances. Back in the days of Shakenotstirred, we had countless run-ins, and a few times where words almost turned into blows. But ultimately at the end of the day, we could put our differences aside and worked together as musicians. Whatever personal problems we had were never brought into the studio, and most importantly, never on stage. The lines between our personal lives and professional lives were drawn clear, and we never crossed them. What I liked best was how we settled our problems. We faced off, we shouted, we cursed and swore at each other, but at the end of the day, we could settle our problems once and for all because we were willing to confront each other and to trash things through.

I don’t have a beer with me now, but if I did, I’d raise a toast to Clarence, Ivan, Jeremy, to older days with Shakenotstirred, and to new musical beginnings.

Save tonight

It’s always a nice feeling to leave the studio feeling rejuvenated rather than taxed and burnt out, and its definitely a great feeling to jam with experienced and musicians who are willing to accept criticism and to learn from mistakes.

Musicians who cannot accept criticism and are unwilling to swallow their prides and ask for help shouldn’t be termed as musicians at all. They’re just fame-whores with minimal musical knowledge.

Lucille – Sphere of love

Accountability vs Transparency

Something I posted a while ago on blogsome (which is now dead fyi) that I thought actually made a lot of sense.

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Radical transparency is a management method where nearly all decision making is carried out publicly.

All draft documents, all arguments for and against a proposal, the decisions about the decision making process itself, and all final decisions, are made publicly and remain publicly archived. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Radical_transparency)

Why is there a need to have a structure in an organisation, when decisions made “at the top” remains status quo? Do individual member votes count, if the people in power and authority decide to hold “further discussions” and ultimate decide to act against said decision, or to reverse a particular decision?

Hierarchial structures in an organisation, regardless of size, is of utmost importance because it legitimizes the organisation, and provides a clear leader, or leaders, for its followers, or members, to look to for guidance, advice, and to settle and resolve conflicts.

However, for an organisation to be truly legitimate and recognised as such, hierarchial structures are not the only things that would play a part, but should work in tandem with transparency and accountability.

Though the concept of transparency should be perceived as

Transparency is introduced as a means of holding public officials accountable and fighting corruption. When government meetings are open to the press and the public, when budgets and financial statements may be reviewed by anyone, when laws, rules and decisions are open to discussion, they are seen as transparent and there is less opportunity for the authorities to abuse the system in their own interest. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Transparency_%28humanities%29)

it can be “dumbed down” and seen as a means of holding individuals in positions of power accountable to decisions made by either by said individual, or by a group that includes said individual, without prior knowledge or consultation of other ordinary members of the organisation.

Some people may argue that transparency and accountability should only be important where the decisions made are of great importance, or if there’s money involved in the decision. But I say that’s total bullshit, because irregardless of the position you hold, as long as you make a decision, you make it an open, and a completely transparent decision, explaining to members and committee members alike why you made the particular decision. If you asked for a vote prior to decision making, yet changed your mind after a “discussion” with the committee members, then make that clear and make a statement explaining and detailing the factors that led to a “discussion”, and ultimately, the revamped decision.

It doesn’t matter how important you think your organisation is, or is not. It doesn’t matter how important you think you are, or are not. It doesn’t even matter how much of a difference you think it’ll make, or will not make.

We bitch, whine and complain about how much lack of transparency we have to endure as Singaporeans, and how the government only makes privy information that works in their benefit. How often have we took a step back and examined if we as logical, educated Singaporeans have made this leap of faith in our daily lives, and in the organisations and committees that we dedicate ourselves to?

We’ve become desolate

Think hard – what’s the hardest thing you’ve had to go through? What’s the most painful thing you had to swallow and live with? What’s worst than knowing that you fucked up, and you can’t do a thing about it? What’s a worse feeling that fucking up once and knowing that you’ve been condemned for life? Found guilty in a court of law, sentenced and punished according to the law; yet found guilty in the eyes of others, and subsequently given a life sentence with no possiblity of parole?

It’s not easy to admit that you were in the wrong, that you made a mistake and that you shouldn’t have done so. It’s definitely not easy to live with decisions that you made, choices you chose, and paths that you chose to walk.

How many nights were spent smoking alone, thinking, wondering, contemplating of the repercussions, of the possible outcomes and possible scenarios, worrying about everything else. It sure as hell feels like shit knowing that you’ve got more to give, and yet being denied this chance. At the end of the day, I know that I’ve only got myself to blame, but it’s definitely not easy swallowing it and knowing that things could have been so much different if I only chose to take a different path, to make certain different actions, and to be a little bit more street-smart.

I’ve come a long way from 4-5 months ago – thrust forward and forced to grow up fast and to mature. Way beyond my age? Maybe not, but a definite 180 degree change from who I was. I don’t judge, so why should I be judged to such an extent? I don’t bear grudges, so why should there be grudges born against me? I forget easily, and forgive even more readily, so why am I denied the chance to be forgiven?

It’s not easy for me to apologise, to take a step back and to admit to mistakes. I’ve done all those and more, am I not deserving of a second chance to make amends and to make things right?

It’s not enough, it never is.
But I will go on until the end.
I’ve lost my way.
I’ve lost my way, but I will go on until the end.

Breaking Benjamin – Until the End

Eels – I need some sleep

I need some sleep
It can’t go on like this
I tried counting sheep
But there’s one I always miss
Everyone says I’m getting down too low
Everyone says you just gotta let it go
You just gotta let it go
You just gotta let it go

I need some sleep
Time to put the old horse down
I’m in too deep
And the wheels keep spinning ’round
Everyone says I’m getting’ down too low
Everyone says you just gotta let it go
You just gotta let it go
You just gotta let it go

You just gotta let it go

What if I said I’m not another one

So many things happening recently that I don’t even know where to start, or if I should even start.

I’m just really glad this week’s going to be over soon and I can get some semblence of order back in my life, with the multitude of gigs being cleared this week alone. No more practices dragging me away from my friends, block stuff and from spending time with the most important person around – myself. I’ve skipped every single lecture this week (yay me), and I’m not proud of it. I’ll probably start heading back for lectures next week or so.

I’ve already fucked up my life as it is, and it really is time for me to stop fucking it up any further.

I’m probably a fucking wreck as compared to some of my friends back in secondary school, hell even those from JC, or in D block with me. I’m not proud of my “accomplishments”, neither do I think that it makes me special or cool, don’t judge me on what I choose to do with my life, friend.

I drink, I smoke, I do the occasional illegal shit now and then, but these are all lifestyle choices.

You wanna curl your hair? Do it.

You wanna have ice lemon tea over coke? Do it.

You wanna attend lecture next week rather than today? Do it.

It’s probably not a good comparison, but you get my drift. I made the choices in my life, I chose to smoke, to drink, and to generally fuck my life up, but that doesn’t make me a bad person per se. My lifestyle choices do not affect who I am, and what I am in general. Yes, my lifestyle choices may be detrimental to the ones around me who really do care for me, but its my life, and I would like it very much if you could accept what I’m doing to myself, and just either be with me or be against me.

This academic year started out horribly wrong and completely out of whack, let’s just hope that it won’t stay this way throughout or I’m seriously fucked.

More time alone on the rooftop with my smokes, music and the hammock should do me some good.

Now playing: Foo Fighters – The Pretender

Hall bash!

This year’s hall bash was undoubtedly better than last years, with the addition of the band that played, along with the funky bassist and drummer!

Of course the crowd was good too, and the dance on the erm, dance floor, was fun too. I swear I never let loose this much before ever since I got to hall.

More of this shit please!

Burnt out

I’ve bitten off more than I could chew, and I’m starting to regret it. There’s just too much happening now, too much for me to take it in my stride, to even shrug it off or laugh it off.

I need some time on my own to think, to work things out, to make everything right again.

Life’s weird like that. Things’ll go your way for a while, maybe even for a long time, and all’s fine as long as nobody gets hurt. Then the shit’ll just hit the fan, and you’ll find yourself with too much bullshit and too little carpet to sweep it all under. At the end of the day, you’ll find yourself with too little carpet and too much bullshit. Then you know you’re fucked.

It’s not easy like that, not being able to share how you feel with people, or just finding out that somehow, you don’t know who to confide in, to talk to, or to just share your problems with. You start seeking solace in other things and you realise how fucking pathetic you are, no matter what you’re achieved in other aspects.

Too much shit happening, too many things on my mind, too much problems for me to solve. I want to think that I’m superman and I’ll make things happen, that I’ll be able to make it all alright soon – but I can’t.

The strands in your eyes that color them wonderful
Stop me and steal my breath
Emeralds from mountains thrust toward the sky
Never revealing their depth
Tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I’ll be captivated
I’ll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache that hang from above

I’ll be your crying shoulder
I’ll be your love suicide
and I’ll be better when I’m older
I’ll be the greatest fan of your life

Rain falls angry on the tin roof
As we lie awake in my bed
You’re my survival, you’re my living proof
My love is alive not dead
Tell me that we belong together
Dress it up with the trappings of love
I’ll be captivated I’ll hang from your lips
Instead of the gallows of heartache, that hang from above

I’ve been dropped out, burned up, fought my way back from the dead
Tuned in, turned on, Remembered the things that you said